Category Archives: Uncategorized

Is chip bag chili something sober people eat? Frito Pie?

Time for another Salsa Investigation…

frito pie.jpgToday

I’m all about that #FritoPieLife

I’d never heard of a frito Pie until yesterday. I guess it’s something that originated out in Texas? I saw a video of a guy walking and spooning chips out of a Tostito’s bag on a video the other day. At first I thought he had something wrong with him because he was eating chips with a spoon, but then I realized that chip-bag chili is actually something people do?

You get a bag of tostios or fritos, dump in chili add in cheese and then eat it as you walk.

My only question would be “How drunk am I”?? Because that seems like a phenominal drunk food to keep me occupied while I walk the 1/2 mile back to my apartment before loading in a frozen pizza watching 30 minutes of sportscenter and crashing. It’s almost like a perfect appetizer for your feast. Drunk food power rankings will be a great blog for another day. But right now I’m focused on this Frito-Pie thing.

I legit think I may skip the bars next weekend and have a ‘Make your own chip bag chili buffet’ for 7 bucks or something. One crockpot of chili- a bunch of small bags of fritos, some cheese, and maybe some sour cream and bingo bango you have your self a very nice little business on the street corner between 1-3 a.m.

My next question: Is it legal to sell a chili buffet out of the back of your truck in an empty parking lot owned by the city? what about if you’re parked on the street?

These are legit questions, because knowing my dumbass luck, I’d make about $250 slinging chip bag chili all night, and then I’d promptly be served with a $300 ticket for not complying to some bullshit food truck code.

Should I just try it anyway? I figure I could pocket a cool 200-300 bucks a weekend for just a few hours work, and basically no startup cost. That’s a nice little clip if you’re not doing much else.

 

Just make a killing off the drunk people running around town. I would buy it. Hell I may have to try it for dinner tonight just to test it out. I didn’t know it was a thing people actually do??

Have you had chip-bag-chili?

Tell me about it in the comments below.

Chef Gordon Ramsey roasting Amateur Chef’s on Twitter is why I love the internet.

Every once in a while I come across something that really cracks me up. Today I was sitting on the shitter scrolling through twitter when I came across people asking Gordon Ramsey for his feedback on their cooking. They send a pic and he’d roast them.

Roll the tweets…

 

… Hilarious stuff from all corners of the internet. Some people were obviously trolling with their pics, but I’d like to believe that some people honestly thought they had a good dish. Having a professional chef with 4.11 Million (4,110,000 followers!>!>?!?!) shit all over your cooking is hilarious.

. I can’t say it any better than no chill n8:

 

 

 

The First Valentines Day Together is Pretty Awkward…

it really is.

When you’re in that “what are we” phase of the relationship, where it’s still new or just not really defined yet…Valentines day can get awkward as shit.

Too little she’s pissed, too much she’s scared. It’s almost a no win situation for the guy. How much do you discuss it beforehand? Does she lie and think it’s a big deal? You never know.

Some people are big birthday people. I’ve never been that guy. Some people LOVE them some birthdays, and will spend an entire week celebrating their day. I couldn’t care less about it, and truthfully, I forgot about my birthday entirely this last year when it fell on a meaningless Wednesday in the middle of a long work week. I didn’t even go out for my traditional steak dinner (which I treat myself to every year).

If your newly acquired significant other is a big “birthday person” you better believe he/she is going to be a big Valentines day person.

The best thing you can do is ask them to describe their last birthday to you. That’s a sneaky way to figure out if you’re going to have to break the bank on V-Day or not.

Always remember: Never set the bar too high on your first Valentines Day together.

vday2.jpg

 

 

The Falcons Blew It.

My prediction was 45-24 Falcons.At halftime the dirty birds led the Patriots 21-3 and midway through the 3rd quarter the falcons were up 28-3. The Falcons were well on the way to their first ever Super Bowl win in franchise history… and then they blew it. It was the most brutal game I’ve ever seen and this picture will probably haunt me forever.

haunt-me-forever

A 99.6% win probability late in the 3rd quarter, and we lost. Unreal.

strip sack.jpg

disappoint3.jpg

This is Atlanta sports. This is my life. This is my nightmare.

 

In a few hours, the Atlanta Falcons will be your World Champs for the first time ever. #RiseUp

The Super Bowl is here and the Falcons are back for the first time in 19 years.

This time is different. This time we will win.

1998 was a fluke year where we happened to upset the best team in football at the time (15-1 minnesota vikings), and then we got absolutely dumptrucked by John Elway in the Super Bowl. I knew in my heart of hearts that we had almost no shot in that super bowl, and when the broncos jumped out big early- that was it.

Today will be different. Even though New England is favored by 3, the Falcons are going to win. I have very little doubt of that. The Falcons are the better team. As long as they avoid the “big game jitters” they’ll win going away (falcons 45, New England 24).

The team that jumps out early wins the game. If it’s close at the end of the 1st quarter, the Falcons will take it. Their offense is one of the greatest of all time, and you can’t possibly keep up with it. I’ve been watching them all year. Today we will finally bring the Trophy to Atlanta. Today is a great day to be alive and one that I’ll likely remember for the rest of my life. I love this team, and I love this fucking City. #RiseUp

superbowl 3.jpg

PS- Congrats to Matty Ice, your NFL MVP

HYPE TIME LETS GOOOOOOOO

 

Today is the day you live for as a Sports fan. #RiseUp

Once every few years, you get a game. Today, in a few hours we have a game. A shot to go to the super bowl.

4 years ago, we had a game. The Falcons had their hears ripped out by Colin Kapernick, of all people, in the NFC Championship after blowing a 17 point lead. I remember watching that disgusting performance in the airport as I boarded a flight to a work conference.

13 years ago, back in 2004, we had a game. The Falcons and Eagles squared off for a chance to go to the super bowl, and I actually had a party at my house that day. We all watched Donnavan Mcnabb roll easily over a young Mike Vick led falcon team. At least that team had a bright future…until Mike Vick decided to fight dogs, but I digress.

Today we have a game. The Falcons have their best opportunity of this Millennium to go to the worlds biggest game. The Falcons are actually favored by 6 points against the Packers this afternoon and I think we’re actually going to win by 15+

Our offense has been incredible all season. I started noticing this season could be something special back in the first week of December. That was when the falcons started blowing the doors off teams. Nobody noticed. We are an afterthought. Never in prime time. Always that “yeah but” team.

yeah but they play in the NFC South…

yeah but Matt Ryan can’t win in the Playoffs…

yeah but they always choke down the stretch…

yeah but their defense is one of the worst in the league…

This team is awesome, and the world started to notice last Saturday when we crushed the Seahawks. The nation found out what I’ve been saying for the past two months. This team is for real. The real deal. I’ve never seen the Falcons come out with so much fire and so much anger in one game. The ran up 36 on the Seahawks, and talked shit after every play. I loved it. You rarely see that kind of passion…especially from Atlanta.

Nobody believed that this team could do the things they’ve done this season. Nobody saw Matt Ryan as the NFL MVP. Nobody saw our running back tandem become the most feared in the NFL. But here we are. This is the best shot we may have at winning the super bowl for the next 15 years. This is our window.

The run continues today. And we will win.

Time to Rise the fuck Up.

PS- Here’s a blog I wrote almost 2 years ago witch encapsulates the struggle of rooting for Atlanta Sports teams.

 

 

 

 

 

Dive Bar Tales.

Editors note: This blog was a draft that was never posted. I found it and figured it was entertaining enough to post. Enjoy!

Sometimes it’s good to escape the chaos of everyday life. People are very different across the board. Some people do drugs, some people go to church, some people write blogs, but I like to go to dive bars. I don’t have any kids, or real responsibilities, so I like to go to dives to pass the time. Dive bars are my therapeutic sanctuary.

Whenever I move to or visit a new place, I always check out the dive bars first. You’ll always find the most authentic people with the best recommendations.

You’d be amazed at the stories people tell you.

Last night wasn’t a very good story, but it was just an odd sequence of events.

I went to the bar to watch the Rockets/Mavs Game.
The bar was packed with people ages 45-65.
The guy next to me knew everything about all three bartenders.
The guy next to him was Loaded with “oil money” as he explained it.

The reason for this blog is because I want to show the value of not judging a book by it’s cover.

Normally, I would have dismissed these two guys right away, but they were sitting right by me at the bar, so I wasn’t going to be an asshole. One guy was talking about the game, clearly he knew little about basketball but I appreciated the effort. He then got into talking about his life.

Here’s what I remember about “Leeland” (forgot his real name, so I’ll go with Leeland)
1. He has 3 girlfriends
2. Only texted the wrong girl once in the last 2 weeks. That was a “huge accomplishment” for him (his own words, not mine)
3. He had a girl flying in the next day.
4. showed me a pic of her, and she actually didn’t seem bad looking for him- it was plausable. He also said “now I’m a 55 year old guy with some mileage- not a young buck like yourself”
5. The girl was from Louisiana, and was a good chef, and was going to be in town for 10 days.
6. “10 days of cookin and fuckin” (again-his words not mine)
7. He bought me a few beers, and then told the bartender that “he vouched for me” (more on that later)

Now lets talk about this Bartender.

Holy shit she was hot. Not your normal, blonde hair, makeup, blue eyes, tan, & perfect features type hot, but actually very different. This girl had red hair a few freckles, blue eyes, glasses, was very fit and had a phenomenal rack. I know you’re probably thinking ‘ew redheads are pale and gross looking’, but I assure you that this girl was a knockout. I don’t know what it is about thin chicks with huge tits that get me, but she was a stunner. She had every guy in there wrapped around her fingers and she knew it. She was wearing a very low cut shirt and made sure to bend over as much as possible. She looked very similar to this chick:
redhead bartender

I go to a lot of Dive Bars, and I hear a lot of weird stories.

Things I love: My old book of DVD’s

Classic’s upon classics upon classics.

I found my old DVD book when I was cleaning out my closet the other day. Man what a trip down memory lane that was. I used to keep my book in the trunk of my car at all times back in the day. I was always ready for a date or even just a simple night of shenanigans with the boys. I have mostly Comedies, and Rom-Coms and a some awesome TV shows. Some Gems include:

  • Chapelle’s Show (Season 1 and 2)
  • Ali G show (seasons 1 and 2)
  • Always sunny (seasons 1-4)
  • The wire (seasons 1-5)
  • Old School
  • Wedding Crashers
  • Superbad
  • Tropic Thunderwedding-crashers
  • Cool Runnings
  • Mighty Ducks
  • Point Break
  • Bad Santa
  • Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
  • The Departed
  • Oceans 11
  • The Patriot
  • Beerfest
  • Zoolander
  • Meet the Parents
  • You Me and Dupree
  • Friday
  • Chris Farley SNL
  • Two for the Money
  • Out Cold
  • Gone baby Gone
  • 21
  • Wedding Crashers
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious
  • Waiting
  • Walking Tallold school dvd.jpg
  • Joe Dirt
  • Happy Gilmore
  • The Rundown
  • Mr Deeds
  • Talladega Nights
  • Rush Hour 1,2
  • Lock stock and Two Smoking Barrels
  • Traffic
  • Roadtrip
  • Inside Man
  • The Town

Back in the day’s before Netflix, one of these CD books was crucial to setting the tone for a good evening with good people. If you didn’t have one, you were a nobody. I’ve already blogged about the perfect 1st date blueprint, and a book like this is exactly what you need to seal the deal. Now go out there and pop in a DVD for old times sake.

RIP Shawty Lo

who?

I know a lot of you readers will have 0 clue who this dude is, but for those who grew up in the ATL area from like 1999-2012, they’ll  know exactly who this guy is. He was one of the staples of southern rap and the dirty south.

His music was far from great, but he would always put out a few bangers that you could get down to. His jams remind me alot of my high school days and parties which were filled with happier memories before the stresses of real life.

For that Shawty, I thank you. T’s and P’s to your fam. I’ll be blasting your stuff for the rest of the day.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. this song STILL bumps.

RIP to alllll my haaaters!

and who colud forget dey know

 

I’m a bit more shook than I ever thought I would be for a rapper that’s been  largely irrelevant for the better part of the last decade.

Gonna pour some out of a 40 in your honor tonight my man.