Category Archives: technology

A while ago I came up with this idea

I have a lot of million dollar ideas, but the other day I was sitting at a bar and I turned around, and there it was! My idea from about 6 years back just hanging on the wall staring right back at me. “Fuck” I thought…There it is. Another wasted opportunity.

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My idea: 5 hour energy drink vending machines. You put them in gas stations, strip clubs, bars, rest stops, and every office in the world. Buy the energy shots in bulk for a dollar a bottle and sell them for 3. Bing Bang Boom. Profit

The actual product: It was like a tiny gas station vending machine that looked like a metal safe, and it was about 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. It sold 5 hour energy’s, asprin, some small candy, condoms, cologne, and some other small gas-station type items. It was absolutely unreal. My idea. My millions. All gone to the creator of this beautiful machine.

I did some research, and I think the company is called Vengo, it’s like a digital vending machine, but it’s a cool concept. Basically: they have a touch screen interface, accept credit card payments, they focus on selling gas station type items, can hold up to 6 different items and a total of 100 things.They were actually on Shark Tank too. Here’s the pitch:

Getting 2 sharks on board always means you have an idea with some serious potential.

Time will tell if these guys succeed or fail, but I’ll be pulling for them.

 

 

 

 

These Apps Are Nuts.

Editors note: I wrote this blog 8 months ago, but never published it. I found it interesting enough to revisit and publish. 

Maybe I’ve fallen a little behind the technology curve, but I was discussing some new apps with a few buddies last night, and they were telling me about some real interesting ones.

Maybe you’ve heard of these, and maybe you haven’t. I wouldn’t be a man of the people if I didn’t pass these along to you. Enjoy.

kitchensurfing

Kitchen Surfing– https://www.kitchensurfing.com/#how-it-works

A chef comes to you, cooks, brings his own ingredients, and appliances, cleans up, and leaves in 30 minutes. You set the time. I actually blogged about it here.

task-rabbitTask Rabbit– https://www.taskrabbit.com/

Send out a task that you need completed, set a price you’ll pay, and someone will do it for you.

GoPuff– https://gopuff.com/gopuff

Brings you whatever you need in 30 minutes. Focused on convenience store type items, and the advantage is that they’re open late and fast.

Thirstie– https://thirstie.com/

On demand alcohol delivery and expert tips on cocktail making. This is a liquor store in your pocket.thirstie.jpg

Drizly– https://drizly.com/?utm_source=CJ&utm_medium=Affiliates&utm_campaign=CJAffiliates

drizly.jpegBeer, wine, and liquor, delivered to your door in under an hour. Another liquor store in your pocket.

minibar.jpgMinibar– https://minibardelivery.com/

Another beer/wine/liquor delivery company promising 30-60 minutes or less.

Postmates- another food delivery app that focuses on fast food
and lower scale restaurants for those on a budget. In my opinion, Postmates is the best of all the on demand delivery apps, but it is very  similar to GrubHub, Uber Eats, and Seamless. If you live in a big city ypostmates.pngou’ll have a ton of options, but if not, you’re kinda screwed.

if all else fails, use Magic– https://getmagicnow.com/

Magic claims that if you text a number with any request they’ll get it done for a price.

Yes I listed a bunch of delivery apps, but I just didn’t know that these were that wide spread. Currently many of them are only available in big cities, so I listed multiple ones that may be available in your area of the country.

 

 

 

Salsa tried to “keep up with the Jonses'”and now he has an Amazon Echo Dot that he has no idea what to do with.

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Ever heard of the echo dot? me neither, until about 2 weeks ago.

Some gas-bag at work was going off about how cool they are and how they’re so hard to get your hands on, so I took the bait. I found out a back end way to buy one, so I did. I bought it mainly just to shut his dumbass up, and it worked. But now the jokes on me, because I’ve spent 90 bucks on a glorified hockey puck with a speaker/microphone.

Today when I get home I have this thing sitting on my doorstep.

I have no clue what to even begin to use this thing for.

If you know, let me know.

Echo dot.jpeg

Salsa PSA: Stop Snapchatting Live Concerts and Clubs

I’m officially becoming an old man.

I love Snapchat… that’s no secret. I’m not big on Periscope, but I do love me some Snapchat. I’m known to fire off way too many stupid snaps on any given weekend.

With that said, I have never in my life sent a video snap from a live show, concert, or a loud night club. Why would I?

concert snap2

The audio quality is so shitty on those snaps, that it drives me up a wall.

I used to be able to avoid those people who would constantly send snaps from live shows and night clubs, but now that Snapchat has changed the story mode to automatically cycle to the next person’s story, I get bombarded with 7-10 second bursts GHSHHSHHASHSHSHSHHSH DUMM DUMM (muffled screams) SSHHHHHHHHHH between pictures of Beautiful Italian scenery, and delicious sizzling food.

I understand that people need everyone to know that they were standing in the 3rd row at the latest Beyonce concert, but for the love of God can you please limit your snaps to pictures only? I don’t want to  have to cycle through 20 horrible sound clips of static popping while I enjoy my morning recap of my friends weekend activities.

::End rant::

#MakeSnapchatGreatAgain

eating an apple

 

 

Sean Parker, the Napster guy, has a new company that wants to charge you $50 to rent a movie

That headline is not a joke.

Sean Parker, aka the Napster guy aka Zuckerburg’s boy, is trying to start up a new company with his dumbest idea yet.

He wants to charge people $50 to rent a movie that’s currently in theaters.

What planet are you on bro?

You think people are going to shell out 50 bones when they can go to the theater for 7-8 bucks?

GTFO ari

I’m a strong believer that once you get rich, you lose your perception of reality. There is no shot in hell that the average American is going to see any value in this bullshit company/product. People like Sean Parker are so far off the reservation, that it’s genuinely insulting. This guy is worth 3 Billion dollars?!? My goodness. As a guy who’s worth about 3 dollars, even a stupid blogger, like myself, can see how much this idea sucks. The worst part, is that he’ll blow a couple million dollars, shrug his shoulders and walk away like it was nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

I wish that Parker would have to match every dollar he sinks into this project with a donation to charity or something. That should be a rule for the mega-rich (billionaires and higher). Every awful idea, should be subject to the “bad idea tax”, which would require them to donate a match of yearly losses to charity until the company becomes profitable.

Bad idea tax. Making the world a better place, one shitty idea at a time.

Need it.

 

 

 

This “Personal Chef” App is an Awesome Concept

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The app is called Kitchen Surfing

It’s an app where a chef will come to you, cook, clean, and leave all in 30 minutes. He brings all his cooking appliances, and ingredients too.

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Just a fantastic idea. I love it. I have some doubts about the actual logistics, pricing, menu options, and scalability of ‘Kitchen Surfing’ but it’s still an awesome concept.

Quick Questions that popped in my head:

  • Where do you find the chefs?
  • What do you charge? One price?
  • What do you cook? Customizable?
  • What if the food sucks?
  • What if you get robbed?
  • What if they break something?

The one thing I have issue with is that they say it’s “under $30.00” a person. So what, does that mean it’s $29.99 per person!??! That may be a good value for a place like NYC or San Francisco, but in my neck of the woods, you can get a pretty nice steak dinner at a restaurant for 60 bucks + tip. That brings up another question: do you tip this personal chef?? I would assume that you do, but is it like Uber where tip is included and you have the option to pay additional at the end? What if the chef burns your food? Are you eligible for a discount if it tastes awful/under-cooked?kitchensurfing.png

It just seems like so many things could go wrong, not to mention the fact that you’re letting a complete stranger into your home for a good amount of time. It doesn’t bother me, because I own nothing of value, but if I were an investment banker with a penthouse apartment in Manhattan, I’d be a little uneasy about opening my doors to some teenage chef from the local culinary institute down the street.

It will be very interesting to see where this app goes in the next few months/years. I see it going 1 of 2 ways:

  1. The app becomes a massive hit and becomes an industry leader and pioneer in the”on-demand at home food service”space . (I’d say about 5% shot)
  2. The app struggles to grow and acquire the necessary investment needed to become relevant, and it eventually dies before getting any traction. (I’d say about 95% chance)

Again, the idea is fantastic. There is a market for this. Hopefully they can make it more affordable because the $30/price point is going to be tough to get widespread adoption outside of big cities. We’ll keep an eye on this app to see how it progresses, but I wanted you to know about it early just in case it becomes the next huge thing.

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If you’ve used this app (or know someone who has) hit me up on Twitter @Salsastoolie and let me know how it went.

Skarp Razor is suspended by KickStarter after raising more than 4 million dollars: Salsa Eats Crow

September 29th 2014:
“I can’t buy stock in these guys fast enough. Don’t let me down Skarp.”-Salsa

I always claimed to be a guy that could sniff out a good scam, but today I’ve been severely humbled. I’m eating a big ol slice of humble pie and it doesn’t taste very good.

Before we get into this, lets back track a little bit to get you up to speed on this Skarp Razor.

About two weeks ago, I wrote this glowing review of a revolutionary laser razor that was set to disrupt the entire shaving industry. Go back and check it out. Pretty cool right? I thought so. The razor went on to raise more than 4 million dollars in 2 weeks before KickStarter came in and promptly suspended the campaign because they didn’t have proof of a working prototype. That means everyone who backed the project will get a full refund and the project is cancelled forever.

Some dude on reddit with way too much time on his hands wrote this fascinating investigative post which called out all the flaws in the Skarp Razor. It does a great job explaining everything that was shady about the project. Shortly after his post started gaining attention the project was suspended and shut down on Kickstarter.

But guess what? The Skarp razor team just opened up a campaign on a similar ‘less-restrictive’ crowdfunding site called Indiegogo and people are still throwing money at them. How dumb is society today? “Oh that was a scam? Oh well, I still think it’s a cool idea- Here’s my money again!”

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Now $300,000 ain’t no 4 mill… but money is money. That’ll still buy a few nice cars or boats for the Skarp crew to ride around in. It goes without saying, but if people are this brainless they deserve to be scammed out of their money.

I have officially ‘jumped the Skarp’ on funding any Kickstarter projects from here on out. High risk, low reward investments are not my cup o’ tea. Now cue the face Daymon, give me that face one more time!!

daymon2
imout

I’m all in on this new Skarp Laser Razor

skarp3

I must admit that I am blown away by this new laser razor, and this thing looks like the real deal.

Check this out:

Apparently a lot of other people are impressed too. To date, it has already raised $1,500,000+ in funding and it’s just getting started. In the time it took me to write this blog, it raised another $100,000. That’s incredible.

You always hear about companies that want to “change the game”- and I truly believe that this company has the opportunity to do just that. If the product is well built, and works like they say it will- these things will absolutely cripple the current razor market.

skarp2

The team behind this laser razor claims it leaves no scratches, no itch, no razor burn, no irritations, no cutting, and no irritation. Add that to the fact that you don’t need shaving cream, you wont need constant cartridge replacements, and it gives you the closest shave you can possibly get. That’s a winner all day every day every way.

Call me crazy, but I believe them. This is what the team looks like.

skarp4

That’s important, because most of these Kickstarter projects are some young dweeb with a good idea, inferior product, and no idea how to actually run and scale a business. The guys behind this razor are old, they’re experts in their field, and they understand the business world.

Sure, the product may come out and it may be really shitty. There’s always a chance of that happening with Kickstarter projects, but if they do make this thing correctly- the sky is the limit for this company. Everyone on the planet uses razors in some way shape or form, and I could easily see this being a staple in everyone’s bathroom in just 3-5 years.

If I’m one of the big razor companies (Bic, Norelco, Braun, Gillette), or dollar shave club, I’m shitting in my pants right now, because the day of the personal laser razor is rapidly approaching with or without the Skarp razor leading the charge.

I can’t buy stock in these guys fast enough. Don’t let me down Skarp.

College kids are using a new “X-Rated Snapchat” App called Yeti Campus Stories

yeti3

Have you guys heard about this app yet? It’s been around for a few months. I stumbled across it by accident a while back when that Tennessee Vol press box chick went viral . (I can’t post the pic or this blog will get scrubbed, so Google “Tennessee vols girl pressbox” and thank me later.)

Apparently this Yeti app is catching fire across college campuses all across the land. I’ve been reading that it’s actually attracting venture capitalists who want to invest in this thing because it’s gotten so popular, so quickly, with such an important demographic.

Salas Guarantee

Quick word of advice to any of those guys thinking about investing in the Yeti app: Just don’t. Don’t do it. It’s a sucker play. It’s the equivalent of tossing bills into a fireplace. I guarantee this app will be dead on the vine in 18 months time. You can take that to the bank.

Sure, this app is whats hot in the internet streets right now, but as soon as it becomes more popular, it’s going to be facing tremendous pressure from all angles (advertisers, investors, universities, Apple) to clean it up or shut it down. It blows my mind that these people think they can actually scale an app based on x-rated content.  It’s a classic catch 22 of companies in this niche market-

Clean up content->Lose Market Differentiation->Lose Users->Lose Money->Lose Business

Don’t clean up content->Open yourself to Lawsuits->Lose App Store->Lose Users->Lose Money->Lose Business

From a business perspective, it’s the classic lose/lose scenario. So what do you do if you’re Yeti? You do a money grab. They’ve probably realized that they’re in trouble, so you do a temporary clean up to show potential investors that you’re heading the right direction, you raise as much money as possible as quickly as possible, and then you bail out. I’ve seen it time and time again.

The Yeti money grab is coming. I can feel it. I can guarantee you’ll see something in the news (in the next 12-24 weeks) about Yeti raising money along with some BS blurb about “how well they’re doing financially”.

Y’all remember that app called Wigo? The college party app that got a $14 million dollar valuation and was going to “revolutionize the college party scene” just 13 months ago? Oh you don’t remember them? That’s because they just folded faster than Doyle Brunson with 7 deuce off suit in the main event. Surprise! They burned through all their money and have closed their doors. Wigo is dead.

Yeti will suffer the same fate. Just you wait and see.

If you’re thinking about investing your money right now, look elsewhere. If you want some ideas, I blogged about where to invest a few months ago. All social media based ideas are a terrible place to sink your money right now. I was reading somewhere that at a recent event, where 200+ startup companies were funded, only 4 (out of 200) were social media based. That was eye opening for me. The reality is that nobody out there is creating the next Facebook or Twitter…hell Google couldn’t even do it. RIP google Buzz

But back to this Yeti app…

As a blogger/reporter/man of the people, I had to try this app out, so I downloaded it- looked at some of the pictures…and deleted that garbage after about 10 minutes. Didn’t need it.

The app itself is basically a group of public photo galleries arranged by different colleges (they currently have about 20 colleges to look through). Each college has their own gallery where anyone can view or post a photo. I guess the concept of the app is good, but the users and lack of moderation completely ruin it.

The app boasts about showing the real side of college (X-Rated!), but in reality, it’s a bunch of losers and druggies taking pictures of cats, dogs, tattoos, drugs, and bongs. Every other picture was either a selfie or a creepy pic of someone on a bench with the caption “Netflix and chill?” which is apparently what the kids are doing nowadays. It’s great for wasting time and that’s about it. You’ll see the occasional cute girl, but one chick in every 50 pictures is not enough to keep me coming back for more. Perhaps the cleanup that I mentioned earlier in this blog has already begun.

It’ll be fun to watch this company and its investors crash and burn over the next few months.

PS- It did get me thinking though- Using this app made me reminisce about the 2005-2006 Facebook days when it was like the wild fucking west of the internet. Back then, adults hadn’t even heard the word ‘Facebook’ and you still needed a .edu email to join it. Back then, there were tons and tons of ridiculously incriminating pictures uploaded daily, and it was awesome. Those days are gone forever but never forgotten.

Is Apple Kidding Me with this New Bong Emoji? (and a 1st peek at the other new stuff)

Quick confession before we start this blog: As a fully grown adult male, I’m absolutely embarrassed and ashamed by the amount of emoji’s that I use on occasion in text conversations. I won’t apologize for it though because women love them. Sometimes they make me laugh, so I’ll continue to use the emoji.

That said, the emoji landscape has been pretty trite since they’ve been out. With the new iPhone update, we’ll be getting a steaming helping of brand new emoji’s to fuck around with.

Here’s a quick glance at the new stuff.

new emoji

new emoji2

Salsa’s Preseason New Emoji Power Rankings:

1. The “Middle Finger” emoji- This will be a twitter superstar. Sluts and Instagram hoes will be tossing these out like beads at Mardi Gras.
middle finger emoji 2. The “Hot Dog” emoji- People everywhere will probably use this interchangeably with the “eggplant” emoji to show off their comedic versatility.

3. The “Basic Burrito” emoji- Basic bitches everywhere throw thier hands up. “Oh my GAWD I LOVE CHIPOTLE!!! (Burito emoji x8)” Don’t even get me started on Chipolte, you already know my stance on the place. I still think the burrito emoji is (fire emoji) tho.
new emoji3
4. The “Poppin Champagne” emoji. You’re boy Salsa could have really used this emoji back when he Celebrated his 500th Twitter follow way back when.

5. The “I’m in love with a strippa” emoji- I chuckled when I saw the double money sign eyes, coupled with the green money sign and tounge sticking out. This emoji reeks of that desperate single dude who’s sitting front row center of the stage at his local strip club at 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon on 1/2 price buffet Tuesdays.

<—- 6.The “Walter White Starter Kit” emoji. walter emoji

7. The “Bong” emoji- This is an absolutely hilarious addition to the emoji scene, and proof that the people designing these things are either huge pot heads. or they were just trying to pull a fast one on the approval people. This stoner combo of a bong and couch ain’t fooling anyone Apple (even if you put it next to the microscope).

stoner emoji