Category Archives: Hot Chicks

I Need a Map because I Got Lost In DJ Tanner’s Eyes This Weekend

DJ Tanner is a stunner.

I found myself roped into this awful rom-com this past weekend called “Finding Normal”. Little did I know that the star of the movie was an adult DJ Tanner. I haven’t seen or heard from her since the 90’s, but I’m curious…

How is she not more famous?? 

She was an absolute fox. She stole every scene she was in, and her eyes are absolutely hypnotic. Baby blues for days.

Movie: 2/10

DJ Tanner: 10/10

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Have. Mer. See.

I’d marry DJ Tanner on the spot, but she married a Russian hockey bro when she was only 20 after meeting him at a charity hockey game. Good for that dude, because DJ Tanner is like a fine wine, and she just keeps getting better with age. He out-kicked his coverage and snagged himself a total MILF. Can you believe she’s had 3 kids and is 40 years old?? Unreal.

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Best Pickup Lines (Part 2)

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Once again, Reddit was asked what people’s best pickup lines were. We’ve already discussed this topic at length in this blog 6 months ago, but I thought it’d be fun to rate the lines that some of the fellow redditors came up with.

A buddy of mine is really good with women. He does this one thing on our uni campus where he’ll go up to a random girl.

Him: “hey I have a question and need a woman’s advice”

Her: “sure what’s up?”

Him: “let’s say I see a really cute girl, do I go up and talk to her or is that too direct?”

Her: 99.9999% of them say: “you should totally go talk to her.”

Him: he then introduces himself.

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Rating: 7.9/10

Analysis: Not really a line, but I can see where this would be effective. Worth a shot.

I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.

I have personally used it and succeeded.

Rating: 5.8/10

Analysis: The “I have personally used it and succeeded” line at the end is the biggest self cock-stroke of all time. This guy is a LOSER.

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“Do you have an ugly boyfriend? No? Want one?”

“No”

“Well good thing i’m here then”

Rating: 8.0/10

Analysis: I love the versatility of this line. You can go in a ton of different directions based on her response.

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I usually just start talking to a girl, then go to leave and say “let me get your number before I go”. Pretty standard, but if she were to say no, I’m leaving anyway.

Rating: 9.0/10

Analysis: This direct approach is usually very effective after you’ve had a good conversation with someone that seems cool. Always ask for the number on the way out of the bar (if you haven’t gotten it already). Just casually put your phone in their hands and use the assumptive close as you tell them something like “you can give me a fake number if you want, but I just wanted to let you know that you seem like a really cool person, and I was hoping we could meet up again sometime if you’re interested”. Don’t be a jerk, don’t be a jackass, be confident, and usually they won’t have time to create a fake number that quickly. Then you can win their heart with a good text game, but that’s another blog for another day.

Read Part 1 of My Best Pickup Lines & Advice here.

Good luck out there.

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Match that Rack

Lotta Chicks with huge sweater puppies gallivanting around the Hollywood streets these days. Can you match that Rack?

The Rules are simple: 5 Broads, 10 tits, Match the Racks

Lets meet the players:

Charlotte McKinney      //        Lindsey Pelas       //           Kate Upton     //     Abi Ratchford     //     Katy Perry

Lets see dem titties:

Match that rack

 

(For the answers scroll down)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer Key:

A. Kate

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B. Abi

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C. Lindsey

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D. Katy

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E. Charlotte

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How’d you do?

Tweet me your scores @SalsaStoolie 

Are you a Halloween Person?

Some people are big time Halloween people. I’m not that guy.

It’s not that I hate Halloween, I’m just not a big fan of dressing up to go out. It’s not that fun to me, and it doesn’t add much to my experience. Call me a curmudgeon all you want, but it’s just the truth.

That said, I love when chicks dress slutty for Halloween. Love it. But I have no interest in the girl, guy, or couple who dresses up as something ‘ironic’ or trendy. It’s not funny, I don’t care, and no- I don’t need you to explain your costume to me. Get the F out of my face.

Salsa Philosophy

 

Salsa Advice: If you have to explain your costume, don’t wear it.

That could be another chapter in my “Don’t be that Guy” series. Don’t be that guy who has to explain his costume. Nobody likes that guy.

I loved going out on Halloween back in college, because those were some of the craziest nights, but now that I’m out of school, it’s just not the same. You can’t capture the college Halloween vibe in a city bar.

One of the reasons that I’ve never been a big Halloween guy is that the UGA vs UF game is always on the weekend of Halloween. As a fan of the Bulldogs, the game often fell on Halloween (as it did yesterday) and a Dawgs loss would always ruin my night. It’s hard to get hyped to go out when you suffer a season crushing loss to a rival school.

Over my long illustrious dating career, I’ve dated two chicks that were absolutely OBSESSED with Halloween. They made it like a week long event with multiple outfits which culminated into one extravagant costume on the official night. The would spend the better part of two weeks tinkering with their costumes and getting their makeup just right. My costumes were always thrown together last minute and involved little to no thought or effort and were always made up of anything I could find in the back of my closet. Come to think of it, those exes are probably a big reason I’m such a grump about this day.

Ahhh who am I kidding- Halloween is great.

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These GIFs are so Hot They’ll Melt your Computer Monitor (SFW)

I randomly stumbled across one of the most relaxing songs on the internet this morning, so I decided to share it with you. The tune’s so smooth I almost fell asleep at my desk. To keep you from doing the same, I did you a solid and provided some of the sexiest SFW gifs I’ve come across. Enjoy your weekend my friends. Now cue the music and get your scroll on.

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Cara Delevingne is Officially on the Map

I had no idea who this little minx was until I saw this awkward interview with some loser morning news cast out in Sacramento.

Screw up her name? check
Ask her if she’s read the book about her movie? check
Insult her energy level? check.
Suggest that shes irritated? check.
Suggest she take a little nap and drink a Redbull? check and check.

Absolutely awful line of questioning by all three anchors here. Just dreadful questions. And how bout that female anchor huh? Bitch mode city. This is a classic case of the frumpy company woman going after the supermodel just because she can. To keep talking shit about someone after they go offline is about as unprofessional as it gets. Be a Pro for me one time Good Day Sacramento.

This news team was insufferable. Newsflash idiots, you work in Sacramento, California. Nobody gives a fuck about you. Especially this Cara Delevingne chick who’s probably just coming off a night off partying her ass off with the release of her multi-million dollar blockbuster movie. What did you expect?

Bottom line is that this Cara chick is going to be a Hollywood A-Lister within the next 2 years. Hell, she may already be. I was shocked to find out that she has over 3.3 million Twitter followers and over 16.4 million followers on the gram. She’s been pulling in millions from her modeling/singing/acting career and the sky is the limit for this budding superstar from jolly old London.

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PS- Hey Good Day Sacramento- STAY LOW!

Lebron James Ruined this Chick’s Life

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Remeber the other day when this pic went viral because Lebron “liked” it while he was in the middle of a self-imposed ban from social media?

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Well he ruined that poor girl’s life. Since Lebron liked her picture, she’s decided to DROP OUT OF VETERINARY SCHOOL and pursue a career as an ass model. Here is her direct quote:

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“It makes me feel awesome…I LOVE the fact he liked my picture.”

Josett has been studying to be a veterinarian — but says now that she’s got Bron’s stamp of approval, she’s considering taking serious steps to focus on modeling instead.

“It’s definitely a sign from God.”

A sign from God? What planet am I on?

Listen here you little bitch and you listen good-
Do you know what the world needs? More people helping animals.
Do you know what the world doesn’t need? More ass models for a new vitamin supplement on page four of ad for Kroger Supermarkets

Veterinarians are fantastic people who do fantastic things. I can’t think of many careers that I respect and appreciate more than ones involving people who choose to help others for a profession. You’re going to give that up because you got one “like” from an awkward athlete on Instagram??? Good luck with that modeling career you fucking moron.

Just another example of how sad things are in America these days. A “like” is now a ‘gift from God’. If you need me, I’ll be sitting here shaking my damn head for the rest of the afternoon.

MIAMI, FL - JANUARY 27: LeBron James #6 of the Miami Heat calls a play during a game against the New York Knicks at American Airlines Arena on January 27, 2012 in Miami, Florida. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

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