All posts by salsastoolie

RIP iPad

I broke my ipad last night. It was on of the original 9.7 inch iPad 1’s that came out about 5-6 years ago.

I thought that thing would last me forever. I’ve used that thing daily for the past 1/2 decade and I feel so lost without it.

My iPad was sitting on my bed….

ipad1

ipad2

ipad3

busted ipad.jpeg

Dumb things that make me laugh: The Mannequin Challenge

mannequin challenge?

It’s basically one of those fads where every one stays super still while this song plays in the background. It’s actually pretty interesting to see the stuff that people come up with. Easily one of the best “challenges” to go viral. Enjoy some of the best I found from around the interwebz…

I’m all about this #challenge

I actually think it’s pretty cool what some people have come up with.

For other dumb things that make me laugh, click here.

Last Night’s Game 7 between the Cubs and Indians is why I love that I love sports. (Bonus list: my top 6 baseball games of all time)

Game 7 of the World Series last night was everything I hoped it would be. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing.

The game had it all. twists, turns, drama, rain, extra innings, story lines out the ass. Never before have I seen a game exceed the hype, and there was an enormous amount of hype going into the game. Phenomenal stuff start to finish from both sides, made for an absolute joy to watch as a sports fan.

I work with a bunch of people that don’t really like or follow sports at all. That’s fine and all, but it kinda blows my mind that they’re missing out on one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had watching an event. Once or twice a year I’m absolutely gripped by the anxiety of sports, and last night was one I’ll remember for a long, long time. The game was so tense, I couldn’t even sit down. I only recall the Pats/Seahawks Superbowl as the last time I’ve been so emotionally invested in a game, in which I have no teams playing in (Atlanta sports). I watched game 7 last night at a packed sports bar, and it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had watching a sporting event. A memory I’ll cherish for a long time.

Speaking of memorable baseball games… There’s very few that i’ll remember forever, and here they are off the top of my head.

Top 6 Baseball Games of All Time

Last Nights World Series Game 7 (cubs win in extras).

Arron bleepin boone putting the yankees past the sox in game 7 of the 2003 ALCS

David Ortiz getting the Sox over the hump past the Yankees in 2004 (walk off in game 4/ game winning hit in game 5

  1. Florida Marlins winning in 97 with Edgar Rentaria’s walk off hit in extra innings.

  1. Louis Gonzalez of Rivera in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series for the diamondbacks.

  1. Game 162 in 2011 for the Tampa Bay Rays where they beat the Yankees on the last day to sneak into the playoffs (mainly because I was in the building watching it). This is regarded as the greatest night in baseball History. Pandemonium.

The NBA is back baby

nba champs 2016.jpeg

This is arguably the best sports time of the year. I’ve blogged about the worst sports time of the year, but the last week in October is always amazing.

College football. check. pro football check. baseball playoffs. check. NBA basketball. Chee yek. love it.

Every year I do an annual Hawks blog analyzing the key additions and key losses in the off season. We’ll do that later, because I doubt most of you readers give one single fuck about the shitty Atlanta Hawks basketball team.

So lets look at some of the interesting story lines from the upcoming season.

  • The warriors are going to be one of the most hated teams in history.
  • I hate Kevin Durant
  • I really like Russell Westbrook and OKC
  • Can Lebron Repeat?
  • How are the warriors going to live up to expectations?
  • What will D-Rose and D-Wade do?
  • Will the Magic be competitive?

And NOW for my SNEAK ATTACK Hawks Preview:

KEY ADDITIONS:

Dwight Howard PF/C

dwight.jpg

I honestly hate this guy. He’s a team cancer. He ruined Orlando by getting Stan Van Gundy fired, then he left town. He went out to LA where he was always injured and a fish out of water. Nobody liked him in LA, and Kobe hated him, so he was driven out of town almost as soon as he got there. Then he went to Houston where he was a great bench player when he wasn’t injured, but he still had no friends because the guy is a fucking loser. Apparently he has a lot of baby mamma’s sprinkled around the US, but this one shoud’ve been wifed up. So Dwight, this is your last chance to make something of your disappointing career. You have the body of a god, and it’s gone to waste. I’ve followed this guy since his days at SACA High, and I’m hoping that coming home will finally do this guy some good.

Malcom Delany PG/SG

malcom.jpg

He is an undrafted journey man who’s been playing in Europe for the last 4 years. Coach Bud trying to find diamonds overseas like the Spurs did. Once won “Gatorade Player of the year” in high school. How has this guy not sniffed the NBA? here’s your shot kid- don’t blow it.

Deandre Bembry SF

st joe.jpg

Our 21st draft pick in this past years draft and signed his rookie contract this past summer. Played college ball at St. Joes¬†where he was remarkably consistent over the past two years. Can’t shoot free throws for dick tho.

Edy Tavares C

frade-tavares.jpg

This guy has been playing international ball for the past two years and is still considered a raw talent. He is a “physical phenomenon” who stands 7’3″ tall and possesses a 7’9″ wingspan. That’s unreal. I’d imagine the Hawks are hoping this guy turns out like Hassan Whiteside did last year for the heat. I looked at his past stats, and they stink. If you can’t score against tiny Europeans, you won’t score in the NBA. I’d bet the farm that this bum won’t be on the roster in May. Time will tell.

Taurean Prince SF/PF

baylor.jpg

This is another rookie who signed with the Hawks this past summer. Played his college ball at Baylor, and was selected 12th overall by the Jazz and then shipped to ATL as part of a three team trade. The Hawks have been desperately trying to get bigger upfront by drafting two forwards to make up for the loss of Demarre Carrol two years ago.

KEY LOSSES:

Jeff Teague PG/SG

teague indiana.jpg

I soured on this guy quick. I used to love him, but he played like a butt-hurt little brat all last season. As soon as trade rumors started to fly with his name, he completely shut down. Enjoy shitty Indianapolis Jeff. Good riddance.

Al Horford PF/C

al boston.jpg

Love this guy. Gave some of his best Seasons to the Hawks and I’m greatful I could watch him play all these years. Probably took a few too many 3’s last season, but he brought guts and grit to every game. Nothing flashy, but remarkably consistent over the past 8 years or so. The Celtics are going to absolutely love you. Thanks Al, best of luck my man.

Kirk Hinrich SG

kirk.jpg

I was so pumped when we signed this guy. I was all in on captain Kirk. He just never seemed to fit in here in Atlanta. He was often injured and never consistent enough to see significant playing time. Square peg. Round hole. Sadly I don’t know if he’ll ever pick up another NBA contract. You had a good run my friend.

So there you have it. Your sneak attack Hawks 2016/2017 season preview under the veil of and NBA blog. Sorry to mislead you, it won’t happen for another 12 months.

Click here for the Atlanta Hawks 2015/2016 Season Preview

 

 

 

 

What are you picking as your “last meal”?

I haven’t really ever given this a lot of thought, but I feel like I need to address it. The question is:

If you were facing the electric chair tomorrow and I’m giving you one final meal of your choice, (anything in the world) what are you picking?

My answer would probably be steak and lobster,¬†a loaded mashed potato¬†with sides of melted butter and gravy for dipping, and garlic bread. For dessert, I’m going with warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top accompanied by a¬†small side dish of mixed nuts. ¬† But from where?

The best Lobster I’ve ever had was made by my buddy from New England on the 4th of July about 3 years back.

The best steak I’ve ever had was on a random Sunday night made by myself about 6 months ago.

The best loaded baked potato I’ve had was on vacation at some po-dunk BBQ place in south Texas a few years back.

steak lobster.jpg

The best garlic bread I’ve had is from the Kroger freezer, and I had some last week.

garlic bread.jpg

The best apple pie I’ve ever had was at this little soul food diner in college.

I have no clue what I’d drink as a beverage. I don’t think I’ve ever had a favorite alcoholic drink of all time (or sipped something and thought “that’s the best drink I’ve ever had”). I’d probably have a glass of water, a glass of Hi-C Fruit Punch, a can of coke, and a single bottle of Bud Light (the OG of beer). I’d also try to squeeze in a single shot of crown¬†if they let me.

I’m basically saying that I hate my answer to this question, because I don’t really even have an answer.

apple pie.jpgThey’d ask “what do you want?”

I’d say “steak and lobster and a loaded¬†potato with garlic bread and apple pie ala mode”

“okay, from where”

“………………” (silence)mixed nuts.jpg

So what are you picking?

Hit me up on twitter with your #LastMealChoice

TLDR:

  • NY Strip Steak
  • Lobster Tail
  • Loaded Baked Potato
  • Side of Garlic Bread
  • Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream
  • Bowl of Mixed Nuts
  • Water
  • Hawaiian Punch
  • 1 Can of Coke
  • 1 Bottle of Bud Light
  • 1 Shot of Crown Royal

 

 

I miss the 1996 Chicago Bulls

96 bulls

Basketball season is right around the corner, and I miss the good ol’ days of the NBA back in 1990’s.

Show someone that picture above and they’ll have an immediate rush of 90’s nostalgia, start coursing through their veins.

It’s weird to think that kids today may have similar reactions to this years Warriors team (who’re currently 18-0 as of this post). Golden State has¬†a long way to go to reach the 72-10 Bulls, but they’ve got a great start.

warriors 16.jpg

For me, that MJ-led Bulls team was my childhood. I was a huge NBA basketball fan and I loved superstars like Michael, Shaq, Penny, Scottie, Kemp, Stockton, Barkley, etc. Quite an epic era for basketball. Prior to the 1999 lockout, the NBA was just at another level with tons of talent (old and young) and stellar hard-nosed play. The hand-check was very common in those days (since banned), and the refs would just let them go at it. Oh and there were none of these dumbass replays, so the flow of the game was much more enjoyable. In those years there were more fights and much better rivalries. I still remember some of the legendary Heat/Knicks playoff series where tempers were always on edge between Zo, Tim Hardaway, John Starks, Allen Houston, Larry Johnson, Charles Oakley, etc. That was the golden ear basketball.

The Bulls starting lineup intro remains the Greatest of All time. Everyone remembers: (sirius theme) “ANNNND NOWWWW THE STARTING LINEUP. FOR YOUR. CHICAGO BUUUUULLLLLLLLSSSSSSS!!! (ahhh)”

From 2000-2010, the NBA experienced a slight drop in talent, and a sharp decline marketable teams. They tried to push the Lebron Cavs, but he was their only star and couldn’t win a championship in Cleveland. They tried to push the studded Spurs, but they had absolutely no personality, and no reach outside of San Antonio. The Celtics built the first “super team” in 2007 but it was largely seen as a bust even though they did win a championship one season. The Lakers were always in the mix, but Kobe was very polarizing and not very likeable since the rape charges in ’03.

Today the NBA has a lot of star power, but it’s a completely different style of game. Run and Gun shooters and freak athletes are running the league now. The best player in the NBA this year is Steph Curry and he’s like 5 ft 11, and 185 lbs soaking wet. Props to him.

In a way, I feel like social media has kinda ruined the NBA. Prior to Twitter, we knew¬†next to nothing about these players off the court. Now we get a front row seat to all the stupid shit these¬†arrogant¬†assholes do and say every minute of every day. It’s absolutely amazing how clueless and tone-deaf a lot of these athletes¬†really are.

Look at MJ- people who interacted with him, knew he was a huge asshole who loved to gamble heavily and would get into fights all the time in practice. Nike was able to craft him into the perfect marketing machine and now he owns one of the biggest brands in the world. It’s amazing.

Now look at LeBron. He tries to be like Jordan, but he is just too silly to pull it off. He tweets and says dumb things which get him in trouble, and shows his true colors. Nike tries to build a brand, but everything Lebron does and says hurts his marketability. He’s still a once in a decade talent, but he’ll never be as popular as Jordan.

If you were too young to remember 1996 Bulls, or want to relive it, here’s an hour long documentary on that season for the bulls.

These Apps Are Nuts.

Editors note: I wrote this blog 8 months ago, but never published it. I found it interesting enough to revisit and publish. 

Maybe I’ve fallen a little behind the technology curve, but I was discussing some new apps with a few buddies last night, and they were telling me about some real interesting ones.

Maybe you’ve heard of these, and maybe you haven’t. I wouldn’t be a man of the people if I didn’t pass these along to you. Enjoy.

kitchensurfing

Kitchen Surfing–¬†https://www.kitchensurfing.com/#how-it-works

A chef comes to you, cooks, brings his own ingredients, and appliances, cleans up, and leaves in 30 minutes. You set the time. I actually blogged about it here.

task-rabbitTask Rabbit–¬†https://www.taskrabbit.com/

Send out a task that you need completed, set a price you’ll pay, and someone will do it for you.

GoPuff–¬†https://gopuff.com/gopuff

Brings you whatever you need in 30 minutes. Focused on convenience store type items, and the advantage is that they’re open late and fast.

Thirstie–¬†https://thirstie.com/

On demand alcohol delivery and expert tips on cocktail making. This is a liquor store in your pocket.thirstie.jpg

Drizly–¬†https://drizly.com/?utm_source=CJ&utm_medium=Affiliates&utm_campaign=CJAffiliates

drizly.jpegBeer, wine, and liquor, delivered to your door in under an hour. Another liquor store in your pocket.

minibar.jpgMinibar–¬†https://minibardelivery.com/

Another beer/wine/liquor delivery company promising 30-60 minutes or less.

Postmates- another food delivery app that focuses on fast food
and lower scale restaurants for those on a budget. In my opinion, Postmates is the best of all the on demand delivery apps, but it is very ¬†similar to GrubHub, Uber Eats, and Seamless. If you live in a big city ypostmates.pngou’ll have a ton of options, but¬†if not, you’re kinda screwed.

if all else fails, use Magic–¬†https://getmagicnow.com/

Magic claims that if you text a number with any request they’ll get it done for a price.

Yes I listed a bunch of delivery apps, but I just didn’t know that these were that wide spread. Currently many of them are only available in big cities, so I listed multiple ones that may be available in your area of the country.

 

 

 

Everyone should try this obscure pizza combination at least once.

I love pizza.I love bacon.

The other day, a friend of mine told me to try a pizza with bacon and pineapple as toppings. The american bacon, not that canadian bullshit ham bacon. I thought he was kidding because it sounded absolutely disgusting. But he ordered one anyway and I tried a slice… My reaction was identical to this guy from the wire when he discovered something amazing ¬†for the first time…

shocked.gif

An absolutely knock out combination of sweet and salty cheezy greatness. Now I’m gonna blow ya mind again. Dip that thing in ranch dressing and be like…

happy.gif

Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it my friends. Papa John’s does the bacon/pineapple pizza best, and I’m saving the seasoning packets for my next steak (shout out to the commenter who suggested that lil’ gem of information)

 

Twitter “Must Follows”

It’s been a while since our last ‘Salsa Investigation’.

I was talking to a friend about twitter and he told me you gotta follow this guy (insert shitty twitter handle) because he was “hilarious”. I looked him up, and read about 30 tweets and didn’t find him appealing at all. I told my friend, “you’re outta your mind” and that was that. I can’t even remember the name of the guy he suggested to follow. That’s how irrelevant the conversation was, and that was only about 10 hours ago.

It did get me thinking…¬†Who on Twitter is a Must Follow?

I can’t really think of one guy off the top of my head other than maybe that Goldman Sacs Elevator Account.

With this thought in mind, I decided to set my criteria to find out if any popular twitter handles out there qualified as a ‘Must Follow Account’. Here’s the method I’m using to find the best of the best accounts to follow.

  1. Google twitter must follow(s)
  2. Read Last 30 tweets from each account to answer 2 main questions:
    1. 2A: Is it funny? If I don’t smile/laugh or chuckle- move on to part 2B
    2. 2B: Is it smart or entertaining? If they don’t make me learn something, or keep me interested in any capacity, – NOT A MUST FOLLOW ACCOUNT!

Pretty Simple concept. If they’re funny or interesting on a consistent basis I’ll ¬†follow them. 30 tweets is a good barometer of whether or not someone is a good account. It should be interesting to see where this goes. I’m doing the grunt work so you don’t have to.

Ever account I review is under the Salsa Scoring System**

0-4 No follow

5-6 Your call,

7-8 Worth a follow,

9-10 MUST FOLLOW

Suggestions from internet Goggling.

Top 2015 handles (source)

  1. 1. Josh Gondelman‚ÄĒ@joshgondelman¬†(good, 6/10)
  2. Daniel Kibblesmith‚ÄĒ@kibblesmith¬†(trash, 1/10)
  3. Bridger Winegar‚ÄĒ@bridger_w¬†(ok, 5/10)
  4. Josh Androsky‚ÄĒ@ShutUpAndrosky¬†(dull, 2/10)
  5. Dana Schwartz‚ÄĒ@DanaSchwartzzz¬†(volume 4/10)
  6. Demi Adejuyigbe‚ÄĒ@electrolemon¬†(schizo, 1/10)
  7. Joe Mande‚ÄĒ@joemande¬†(not bad, 5/10)
  8. Alison Stevenson‚ÄĒ@JustAboutGlad¬†(consistent, 7/10)
  9. Jake Weisman‚ÄĒ@weismanjake¬†(solid, 7/10)
  10. George Wallace‚ÄĒ@MrGeorgeWallace¬†(ok, 4/10)
  11. wint‚ÄĒ@dril¬†(decent, 6/10)
  12. Todd Barry‚ÄĒ@toddbarry¬†(promoter, 1/10)
  13. Lynn Bixenspan‚ÄĒ@lynnbixenspan¬†(she tries, 3/10)
  14. OhNoSheTwitnt‚ÄĒ@OhNoSheTwitnt¬†(stupid, 1/10)
  15. Kumail Nanjiani‚ÄĒ@kumailn¬†(boring, 2/10)

Through rifling through all these twitter accounts I noticed a trend.

  • People with funny bio’s were MUCH more likely to have funny tweets. Lame bio, lame tweeter.
  • The “pinned tweet” also says a lot. If they’re Promoting something shitty that they’ve written or endorsed, the account will probably suck about 95% of the time.
  • The Banner Picture is also a good quick check to learn about the person. If it’s funny and the bio is funny
  • If all three of those things sucked there was pretty much a 0% chance the person was worth a follow.

 

 

Dive Bar Tales.

Editors note: This blog was a draft that was never posted. I found it and figured it was entertaining enough to post. Enjoy!

Sometimes it’s good to escape the chaos of everyday life. People are very different across the board. Some people do drugs, some people go to church, some people write blogs, but I like to go to dive bars. I don’t have any kids, or real responsibilities, so I like to go to dives to pass the time. Dive bars are my therapeutic sanctuary.

Whenever I move to or visit a new place, I always check out the dive bars first. You’ll always find the most authentic people with the best recommendations.

You’d be amazed at the stories people tell you.

Last night wasn’t a very good story, but it was just an odd sequence of events.

I went to the bar to watch the Rockets/Mavs Game.
The bar was packed with people ages 45-65.
The guy next to me knew everything about all three bartenders.
The guy next to him was Loaded with “oil money” as he explained it.

The reason for this blog is because I want to show the value of not judging a book by it’s cover.

Normally, I would have dismissed these two guys right away, but they were sitting right by me at the bar, so I wasn’t going to be an asshole. One guy was talking about the game, clearly he knew little about basketball but I appreciated the effort. He then got into talking about his life.

Here’s what I remember about “Leeland” (forgot his real name, so I’ll go with Leeland)
1. He has 3 girlfriends
2. Only texted the wrong girl once in the last 2 weeks. That was a “huge accomplishment” for him (his own words, not mine)
3. He had a girl flying in the next day.
4. showed me a pic of her, and she actually didn’t seem bad looking for him- it was plausable. He also said “now I’m a 55 year old guy with some mileage- not a young buck like yourself”
5. The girl was from Louisiana, and was a good chef, and was going to be in town for 10 days.
6. “10 days of cookin and fuckin” (again-his words not mine)
7. He bought me a few beers, and then told the bartender that “he vouched for me” (more on that later)

Now lets talk about this Bartender.

Holy shit she was hot. Not your normal, blonde hair, makeup, blue eyes, tan, & perfect features type hot, but actually very different. This girl had red hair a few freckles, blue eyes, glasses, was very fit and had a phenomenal rack. I know you’re probably thinking ‘ew redheads are pale and gross looking’, but I assure you that this girl was a knockout. I don’t know what it is about thin chicks with huge tits that get me, but she was a stunner. She had every guy in there wrapped around her fingers and she knew it. She was wearing a very low cut shirt and made sure to bend over as much as possible. She looked very similar to this chick:
redhead bartender

I go to a lot of Dive Bars, and I hear a lot of weird stories.