Quick confession before we start this blog: As a fully grown adult male, I’m absolutely embarrassed and ashamed by the amount of emoji’s that I use on occasion in text conversations. I won’t apologize for it though because women love them. Sometimes they make me laugh, so I’ll continue to use the emoji.
That said, the emoji landscape has been pretty trite since they’ve been out. With the new iPhone update, we’ll be getting a steaming helping of brand new emoji’s to fuck around with.
Here’s a quick glance at the new stuff.
Salsa’s Preseason New Emoji Power Rankings:
1. The “Middle Finger” emoji- This will be a twitter superstar. Sluts and Instagram hoes will be tossing these out like beads at Mardi Gras.
2. The “Hot Dog” emoji- People everywhere will probably use this interchangeably with the “eggplant” emoji to show off their comedic versatility.
3. The “Basic Burrito” emoji- Basic bitches everywhere throw thier hands up. “Oh my GAWD I LOVE CHIPOTLE!!! (Burito emoji x8)” Don’t even get me started on Chipolte, you already know my stance on the place. I still think the burrito emoji is (fire emoji) tho.
4. The “Poppin Champagne” emoji. You’re boy Salsa could have really used this emoji back when he Celebrated his 500th Twitter follow way back when.
5. The “I’m in love with a strippa” emoji- I chuckled when I saw the double money sign eyes, coupled with the green money sign and tounge sticking out. This emoji reeks of that desperate single dude who’s sitting front row center of the stage at his local strip club at 3:00 p.m. in the afternoon on 1/2 price buffet Tuesdays.
<—- 6.The “Walter White Starter Kit” emoji.
7. The “Bong” emoji- This is an absolutely hilarious addition to the emoji scene, and proof that the people designing these things are either huge pot heads. or they were just trying to pull a fast one on the approval people. This stoner combo of a bong and couch ain’t fooling anyone Apple (even if you put it next to the microscope).