Pickup Lines are never not Hilarious


If you’re a casual reader of this blog, you’re probably no stranger to the fact that I’m a single dude who enjoys spending time out at the bars.  One of my favorite things to do when I’m out going out trying pick up chicks.

Full disclosure, I’m kind of an awkward lanky guy who looks very average at best. Most girls at the bar don’t even notice me. I realized early on that I wasn’t going to be the guy that all the girls swooned to, so I had to develop a good social game.

Breaking the ice is the most important start to any conversation. I’ve found that the easiest way to do it is to have about 3-5 good pickup lines that you can rattle off real quick (just in case the first one goes poorly). I’ve had a few personal favorites that I’ve had varying degrees of success with over the years.

Here they are in no particular order.

  • “Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche”
  • “I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast”
  • “My friends bet me 20 bucks I wouldn’t come talk to the most beautiful ladies at the bar, wan’t to by some drinks with their money?”
  • To girls standing off to the side/ in corner:”You look like you’re having as much fun as I am”
  • “You have something in your eye (inspect closely), Oh nevermind, it was just a sparkle”
  • Scenario: Sit next to a cute chick at the bar and order some drink with two limes, drop them in front of the girl and say “Oh I’m sorry, I’m not real good at pickup limes

Here’s the key- If all else fails (no more than 3-4 bad lines) I always end with one more attempt by saying “okay. fine. What Pickup line works best on you?” Sometimes girls will be real bitchy and say “I hate cheesy lines” and then you respond “oh thank goodness, I do too, but I just didn’t know how to start a conversation with someone so beautiful- My name is _____ can I buy you a drink?” from there, you’ll at least have something ‘in common’ to build conversation on.

You may not think this stuff works, but I assure you that it does. All girls love to laugh, and most will appreciate the effort. Just don’t be awkward, and have confidence when you deliver the line. Obviously you’re not always going to be successful, but you’ll be amazed at the positive ways chicks respond to these lines. Give it a shot.

Last week I saw this video of a kid at the beach using a phone tied to a fishing pole. He would say “I’m fishing for numbers” to every hot chick that passed. I thought that was pretty clever.

The inspiration for this blog came from this morning’s reddit thread which posed the question:

“What is the best way you’ve seen a guy hit on a girl”? 

Here are some highlights:

Get a buddy reaaallll drunk and tell him to hit on a girl. When he blows it we swoop in and apologize for our drunk friend, buy em a drink if required to, and boom. In there like swimwear. Works 90% of the time… All the time.

This actually works, just get a friend to go over to some chicks and be awkward as hell, then you come in and apologize for his behavior (say they’re a friend of a friend from out of town and you don’t know him) and buy them all drinks. This works best if you have a buddy that wants to go home early, have him take one for the team and be “drunk-bait” on his way out.

A buddy of mine used to go up to a girl at the bar, take HER drink, slug it down in one go, then sit down and smile, saying “Hey, you look like you need a drink.”

Do NOT do this. You may think you’re a genius because now they don’t have a drink to throw in your face, but this is absolutely the worst move of all time. I can’t think of a faster way to get rocked in the face.

Reading through the reddit comments makes me realize how many losers are out there. Their stories are terrible so I’d advise you to try out my lines, or come up with some of your own. Again, just remember to be confident, don’t be a creep, and you’ll be just fine.

Alternate option- Get yourself a good “Wing Woman”

If all else fails, and you’re too shy/scared/sober to drop a line, get a chick to do your dirty work for you. We all have buddies with girlfriends or wives that tag along to the bars, so use them to your advantage.

Have your “wing-woman” chat up a hot chick at the bar complimenting something about her clothes or whatever, and pre-screen the chick to see if she’s single and cool. If so, have your wing woman signal you over. When you come over, have your wing-woman make introductions and validate you by telling a story about how you’re “such a good guy”. After she vouches for you have your wing-woman excuse herself to the bathroom and bounce.

PS- No I don’t own a Porsche, but that line is still hilarious.


4 thoughts on “Pickup Lines are never not Hilarious”

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