Paul Blart 2 got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes

It’s official. Paul Blart 2 is now one of the worst cinematic movies in history. I have no clue who actually pays money to watch these abominations, but apparently a lot of people do. Bless those poor souls who find this type of humor funny.

paulblart1

This stat will make you physically ill, so proceed to read with caution: Paul Blart 1 made more than 227 million dollars domestically back in 2009. That stat makes me sad for the American people. Studios don’t even have to try and be funny any more. A fat guy on a segway with no plot and make hundreds of millions of dollars. I don’t blame them for making this sequel, because I’d do the same damn thing.

Lets take a look at some of the best comments from the critics on Rotten Tomatoes

    “A movie whose chuckles (six, I counted) are outnumbered by helicopter shots of the Wynn resort in Las Vegas.”

    “The cinematic equivalent of biting into an old brown banana.”

    “This isn’t much more than a fly’s fart of a film, the most microscopically tiny of afterthoughts.”

    “Characters show up and vanish again as randomly as the targets in a game of Whac-a-Mole.”

    “Even the title is lazy.”

    “Hard to believe this is a real movie that real people have unashamedly put their names to.”

Really A+ game all around from the Critics on this one, but the star of the show was that bananana comment.

The (fill in the blank) “equivalent of biting into an old brown banana.” is arguably the best zinger I’ve heard this year. Perfect visual. Perfect versatility. Perfect insult. Class out the ass.

I can’t think of any greater repugnance in all of the land other than someone’s face after mashing their chompers on a disgustingly soft old warm brown bananua.

You can bet your ass I’ll be dropping this into casual conversations with buddies all this week.

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