Is my Wedding Attendant Theory Even Remotely Accurate?

wedding season is over
Picture this:

– You have 100 friends, and I ask you to rank them from 1-100 in the order of how much you like them.

– 1 is the person you like the least and 100 is your best friend. Higher the number= better the friend.

Salsa’s Wedding Attending Theory

Ranked 75-100 = Wouldn’t miss the wedding for the world. Your wedding could be in the Jungle and I’d  be there. Chance of Attending 99%

Ranked 50-75 = Very likely going to be there if I don’t have anything better going on. Chance of Attending 80%

Ranked 25-49 = I’ll go if it’s convenient, but I’ll be actively looking for an excuse not to. Chance of Attending 50%

Ranked 1-24 = Most likely not going unless there’s a good reason to. Chance of Attending 15%

The Dilemma:

Here’s my conundrum:  A person ranked 32 on that scale invites you to their wedding. Do you go?

The Back Story:

I had a friend that I knew really well about 10 years ago recently invite me to her wedding. Just me, no guest. Okay fine. I’m not getting married anytime soon, but I wouldn’t invite this person to my own wedding. As I stated above, if I ranked her on my friend score, she’d be about a 32/100. She’s not someone I don’t know at all, but we haven’t spoken in person in about 7 years, outside of one random NYE party and a few “happy birthday” texts. A good way to think of her is actually the true life ‘girl next door’ except not as hot as you’d hope she’d be. We went to the same middle/high schools way way back in the day but have lost touch since then.

My question is this: Am I an asshole because I don’t want to go to this wedding? Most of the time, I love weddings, they’re the best, but they do tend to leave a dent in the wallet. There’s time off, travel, hotel, rides, gifts, booze, parties, and all other shit to consider. In the past 6 months, I’ve been to 8 (yes 8) different weddings, 7 of which were out of state. It gets exhausting after a while. This particular wedding is likely just going to be your typical mid-size wedding with all the normal stuff. No extravagant destination, no huge reception, no real drama, etc. It’s just something that I have no interest in being a part in.

sorry not sorry

I’ve never been the guy to say no to a party, but this is the first time in a long time that I feel like it’s just not worth all the hassle. I feel really bad about sending back the invitation with the “regrets to inform” box checked and no legit excuse, but that’s what I just did. I’m planning on getting them a gift and moving on with my life, but I know down the line I’m going to be catching shit from her, my friends, and their families about why I didn’t show up to the wedding.

Am I still a jerk?

How would you handle this situation?

Let me know what you think on twitter @salsastoolie


2 thoughts on “Is my Wedding Attendant Theory Even Remotely Accurate?”

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