First of all – Salsa – dude, you need to cool your jets.  Sorry I’m all over here being the only responsible adult on staff and didn’t have anything to write about.  (I actually am and I pinky promise may the Patriots lose the Super Bowl that I will post AT LEAST once a week from now on).

Secondly – I am significantly intoxicated as I write this.  Like “I brought a bottle of wine into  bubble bath” intoxicated.   Because of this level of intoxication there probably won’t be pictures.

Now moving onto the good stuff.

If you haven’t seen American Sniper you’re either not American, a fucking loser, or just not worth my time.  So go see it and then you can continue with this blog.

[This is a pause so you can go see it and then come back}

Full disclosure: I started crying about 25 minutes into the movie just because I knew what was coming, Sienna Miller is gorgeous, and Bradley Cooper is just so amazing I want to marry him and have his babies.  Mostly because I knew what was coming, but also because soldiers are my weakness.  I can’t watch a “soldier comes home to dog” video without bawling (I’m fine with the kids because I don’t really like kids).  The following video slays me every time.

So people on FB and Twitter are trying to trash American Sniper, saying it glorifies war and that snipers are awful and blahblahblahwe’recommunistsandsuckblahblahblah.  Then there are the people who are like “WHY IS AMERICAN SNIPER GETTING ALL OF THE PRESS AND THE MONEY WHAT ABOUT SELMA?”  So here’s my answer to all of y’all who don’t understand what it means to be an American.

1. This war is one of the first wars to not have designated battle fields.  It’s like Vietnam (and maybe Korea? IDK my history that well…. ) in that there aren’t legit you’re on one side we’re on the other.  While movies about the Revolution and Civil War (holla at ya boy The Patriot) might be all romantic about there’s a war let’s go fight it – AS (I’m too drunk to type it all out) doesn’t.  It’s gritty and shows what actually is going on in a war that we really don’t know that much about.

2. No matter how you feel about this war,  the goal of war is to hit the maximum possible number of enemy targets while taking the fewest casualties yourself.  Snipers accomplish this.  So Michael Moore, sorry to burst your bubble, but your uncle getting killed by a sniper doesn’t mean the sniper was a coward, it just means your uncle was the victim of someone DOING THEIR FUCKING JOB.

3. In regards to Selma, which I have also seen, let’s face it.  AS’s advertising budget is way higher than Selma’s.  That’s why you’re seeing like a million times more AS ads than Selma ads.  ALSO – for our generation – I’m just claiming we’re all the same generation – AS is way more relatable.  Just speaking personally, I know people who have actually fought in this war, have been injured in this war, have come back from this war with PTSD.  This war has been going on for more than half my life.  I volunteer with soldiers – many of whom have PTSD from this war.  This movie is crazy relatable to me, whereas Selma – a great movie regardless of relatability – just isn’t.  Let’s face it – I’m an overprivileged white girl who’s never dealt with racist inequality.  But to me AS is way more relatable.

Overall, I give AS like a million thumbs up.  I’m also drunk, but whatever. I cried at the end  slash really on and off through the whole movie.   But it was amazing.  Not saying you shouldn’t see Selma – but American Sniper is fucking phenomenal.  LOVE IT SO MUCH.

K I’m going to bed now.






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