Real Talk for a second- Chipolte is Overrated

i may be in the minority here, but I fucking hate Chipolte. not even kidding. i think it’s the most overrated food chain of our generation. Never have i seen such average food get such a cult following of fanboys/fangirls. Seriously, everyone is always like:

https://vine.co/v/MO9E5bA2Ulj/embed/simple

“OMG I LOVE CHIPOLTE!!! CHIPOLTE IS MY LIFE!!!”

well i say fuck that. it sucks. here’s why.

1. The tortilla is sticky- i know it helps keep it together, but it’s sticky, tastes funny, and is hard to chew.
2. The meat/chicken- it’s usually overcooked, and they never really give you enough. My tip is to ask for half chicken and half steak so they end up giving you more than they normally would.
3. they pack everything with way too much rice/beans. they’re trained to do it this way. my burritos always taste like rice because it’s what 75% of it is. sure you can say light rice, but still.
4. They take no care in constructing your burrito. there’s usually an assembly line of 4-7 people that just glop on whatever you ask for without looking. glop, pass. glop, pass.
5. The restaurants are almost always dirty around peak hours. i know that they do a lot of business, and good for them, but good luck finding a clean table to sit at between 11:30-1:00 pm.
6. The sour cream is like liquid. Now i don’t know about you, but where i come from, sour cream and water don’t have the same consistency.
6. It’s overpriced. this is subjective and widely debated, but for me- it’s overpriced. The most enraging thing to me about this restaurant is this sign in every chipolte:

guac

$1.80 FOR A LITTLE DAB OF GUAC IN MY BURRITO??!!??! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
-all kidding aside, that’s a joke right. like some sort of inside chipolte joke that nobody knows about. How do you even come up with that number? $1.80? really? not $1.75- not $2.00 but $1.80. This literally makes no sense to me other than the fact to tell their customers “yeah we have guac, but we’re going to charge you an arm and a leg to get that”. it’s almost as if they just are too lazy to make more of it, so they just charge you out the wazoo just so you won’t order it.

It reminds me of that Dallas pizza shop that sold a side of ranch for $1,000.
side o ranch

now i know some of you assholes are reading this thinking- “Fuck you salsa, you don’t know shit! I’ll roll with chipolte till the day i die, and that shit’s delicious”.

Hey i’m not hating on your choices, but it’s just not for me. I’m in the blogging business, and in the blogging business we have to have strong opinions. Now for all you loyal chipolte people that stuck with it through this blog i leave you with one last little tidbit-
quesadilla buritto

 

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