A nice little Saturday

disclaimer- i expect people to hate this blog and hate me, i’m just trying to entertain and hey, you may enjoy it-

nice saturday

this is a story from last night. i don’t know if you guys will be interested in my evening or not, but i really don’t give a shit. I’m sitting here in my boxers hungover as shit, waiting for football to start, so i just may as well kill some time on the blog.

Most of the crew was out of town for the holidays, so i had to pretty much scrape the barrel with my C and D-List friends.

Went out with a friend- cool chick whos down for whatever. We dated very briefly back in the day, but it was never going to work out because she’s a habitual cheater who cycles through multiple dudes at one time. Anyhow, after she got off work, we went out with a bunch of her work friends, and they actually were pretty cool. We started out at this new hipster bar that just opened up. I can chill at those places for a bit, but they just aren’t my scene. Everyone in there seemed to be taking themselves so seriously, and nobody seemed to be having fun. It was a bunch of Rich Hipsters too. You think a dirty smelly poor hipster is bad. Try a pretentious snotty rich hipster- The worst. And this place was full of them. I had some “nitro infused” bullshit beer after the bartender went through his 10 minute beer speech with us. Surprise surprise! it sucked balls. I’m gonna google it now to see if i can find a pic.

Nitro Beers

Score 1/10- tasted like a stale old crusty guiness, and the foam never dissolved off the top. Get this shit out of my face.

on to another better more all inclusive bar with 2 DJ’s a patio, 2 levels, a balcony and a dance floor. This new bar is much better and you can get actual drinks. we all order rounds for each other, but then we notice a group of highly intoxicated people doing what i’ve known as “buckshots” but they were calling them “pick-me-ups”. Regardless, if you want to have a good night, here’s the drink, and it will FUCK you up. It’s fun. girls love it, and it grabs attention. you need to find a cool bartender to do it for you if they’ve never made it before. Below is the definition from Urban Dictionary

A Bacardi 151 mixed drink that you chug out of a red bull can. The drink is made by punching a hole in the bottom of a red bull can, pouring out a minimal amount of red bull and filling the can with Bacardi 151 till it spills. You take the drink by placing your mouth over the punched hole and chugging it while opening the top of the red bull can for maximum flow.
can you use it in a sentence please?
I was at Tipsy Clover and ordered two “buck shots”, after I took them I blacked out and woke up in a ditch.
So those are fun. Went up and did some SHITTY white boy dancing, and this cute redheaded chick came up and actually asked if i wanted to dance. Sure do. Always had a thing for redheads, so we start dancing and she tells me to spin her. Spin you? okay. i spin her twice and she almost goes straight into the wall. she comes back and i do some other weird ass (undoubtly terrible) move, then she grabs her friend and they scurry away. no clue what or how it happened so fast, but i think she actually wanted to ACTUALLY dance, as in- real dance moves with dips and spins and shit. Salsa don’t do real dancing. Salsa don’t know how. This was a disaster of epic proportions, but i didn’t really care. plenty of other fish in da sea…
Time to explore da bar. So then i went outside and struck up a conversation with a group of about 8 people standing off in the corner. I was just saying the most off the wall shit, and they didn’t crack one chuckle. I ripped off about 6 jokes and not one chuckle. These people SUCKED! see ya.

Salsa Philosophy

Quick Tidbit: if you ever see a cute girl at a bar that looks like she is having a terrible time, go up to her and lead with the line you look like your having as much fun as i am. then she’ll respond, and pending on what she says you can almost always follow up with “yeah my friends dragged me out here, but i’d much rather be at home with my dog, eating icecream and watching netflix.” sounds ridiculous, but it works. Try it. Most Girls don’t like the bar scene, but they do love pups, icecream, and netflix. You’ll come off looking like the nice guy, and she’ll think you’re a sensitive guy. Win’s all around.
The rest of the night was uneventful other than the fact that i saw a girl in a thong, lace bra with only an oversized santa coat barely covering her on my walk home. It was literally one of the sexiest humans i’ve seen on this planet. That was nice.

 

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