The 3 day bender has concluded.

Readers:  It starts slow, but picks up.

Day 1 Thanksgiving at the Grandparents

Beers/football until the meal at three.about 8 beers

Eat Dinner around 3pm- switch to wine.

Polish off the entire bottle and pass out from a food coma around 10pm

Day 2. 

Head home to local restaurant to pound brews and watch football.

1:30 pm- 1 pitcher deep at the restaurant. (watching college football)

Head to friends house. Consume 3 more craft beers and finish the game.

Get ride to local college town with a few buddies pounding Bud’s on the way (2-4 consumed here)

Stop at local bowling ally for a quick game because everyone (except driver) was belligerently arguing

Crush 1.5 beers at the ally (just one pitcher bought)- bowled my worst game ever.

Continue to college town and head to buddies apartment to pregame (2 more beers here, but im not sure if i finished the 2nd)

friends came over and we walked to the bars (i was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie jacket- looking like a scrub- but no time to chancge)- I still can’t believe they let me in to the bars.

Bar 1: i’m hammered and now think long island iced teas are a great move. drink 2 of these (throw up in bathroom)

Take shot from group of girls. (thank god it was a pussy shot)

End up making friends with chick and we leave together to go to another bar.

Bar 2: Chug beers at this bar (2-3??), and make an idiot of myself till the lights come on at 2am

Go home with new friend (she lives close) and have a good time. no food though, so that’s a fail.

The only solid food i ate all day was chips and salsa at the restaurant, and a few bites of chip and guac at my buddies.

Day 3: Gameday

Walk of shame to my buddies place. (walk of glory?)

His place is locked and they have already left for the tailgate (which is 2 miles away). I can’t get in his apartment, so i just walk to to the tailgate.

Finally arrive at tailgate and start polishing beers in the same sweats and hoodie. friends are absolutely disgusted with me.

disgusted gif

Drink about 5 beers at the worst tailgate ever. (we had a 24 pack of bud lights and no food)

Decided to go watch the game downtown at a rival bar.

Arrive at bar with a few buddies and decide that i’m only going to drink red bull vodkas for the duration of the game (this would prove to be a terrible decision)

The Game Happens and this is where i black out (anywhere between 5-9 RBV’s consumed here- no clue). we lost, but i vaguely remember drunkenly starting a “suck our dicks chant when we took a lead late in the 4th. according to secondhand accounts, i was:

standing on the barstools yelling.

attempting to start various vulgar chants

yelling scoreboard when we were trailing

having trouble standing up/forming real sentences

attempting to buy a dudes hat that i thought was cool

buying drinks for random fans of both teams.

After the game my friends all met up at the bar and decided to go grab BBQ. No recollection of this event, but snapchat told me the following day that i got pushed over into a bush and chilled there for a while. also started arguments with everyone in line at the BBQ place. I was a menace to society during those 4-6 hours.

after BBQ, Most all my friends went back to take a nap and recover (it was about 6pm at this point) but i was in no mood to stop the party.

so me and one other kid went to meet up with a couple old friends that were  downtown. (drank about 2-3 more beers), but feeling terrible. (throw up in bathroom)

Invite the chick from last night to come (not thinking she would…but she actually does)

we head to another bar have one drink and move on.

i try to talk my way into a sold-out concert to a doorman across the street. (and fail miserably)

feeling defeated, i decide that it’s finally time to go home. i’m fucking exhausted and it’s around midnight.

woke up in the middle of the night thinking my pounding heart was going to explode from all the red bull consumed.

i wore one pair of clothes for the whole 3 days (unintentionally). pretty disgusting. I was absolutely dreading looking at my bank account the next day.

One thing is for sure… #SalsaLife is never dull.


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